Fair Warning

First of all, stop smoking; It's bad for you and makes people hate you.

Now that we have the standard warning out of the way, onto the etiquette of bumming cigarettes. First and foremost, no one is under any obligation to give you a cigarette, it's their property and they can do whatever they want with it. Insulting someone because they refused to further your nicotine addiction is uncalled for and only justifies their decision. By giving you a cigarette the other person is doing you a favor, and because of that you are under certain obligations:

1. Thank them politely, but do not make a big deal out of it. It's not like were going to die without that coffin nail, so don't act like it.
2. If they want to talk, listen to them. You are expected to listen for as long as it takes you to smoke the cigarette.
3. Smoke at least ninety percent of the way to the filter, not smoking the entire smoke is disrespectful.
4. Should this person ever ask to bum from you, give them one, assuming you have one.

Most importantly, learn the other person's name if you do not already know it. Nicotine stimulates some of the brain's memory centers, and even if it's unlikely that you'll see them again I am sure it will put a smile on their face if you do remember them.

Look, I don't care if your pants can stay up on their own, or if you are not even wearing pants, wear a god damn belt. A belt does not just keep your pants up, it enhances the whole waist-hip area. Most importantly however, it keeps your pants up, and no body wants to see your ass crack.

So go get a belt, preferably a classic black leather belt. Fancy belts are okay when worn with the right outfit, but a black leather belt goes with almost anything. Men, do not wear large belt buckles, it looks like you are compensating; also nothing humorous, the last thing you want is laughter when a woman is looking at your crotch.

And remember: if you don't have a belt, how do you expect to deliver whoopings properly?

When breeding a giant atomic monster, always remember that although it is science(It's nuclear science), it is not an exact science and thus can lead to unexpected results. Do not be alarmed if your G.A.M. sprouts extra limbs, eyes, or automatic weapons; they are gifts and should treated as such.

G.A.M.s are typically produced by throwing a baby animal into a vat of toxic waste, however, this can cost a fortune at the pet store. Instead bathe the animals in radiation slowly until mutations begin to develop, then inject them with large amounts of growth hormones.

Now G.A.M.s are notoriously hard to control, so if you want to make sure that your monster does not accidently destroy your secret lair I suggest one of the following options:

1. Attach the G.A.M.'s brain to a game system and control it from the comfort of your own living room.
2. Replace it's brain with one extracted from a henchmen.
3. Hire a telepath with extreme emotional baggage.

And Remember: When using your monster to destroy major Japanese cities, always be on guard for giant robots piloted by so called 'good guys'. Destroying these threats to world domination shall be the subject of a future article.