Fair Warning

The best way to invite people to a party, is of course to talk to them in person or give them a good ‘ole phone call. Now this may seem old fashioned to some of you, but really having that real communication is the only way to fully express how badly you want someone to come to your awesome party¹. For more formal gatherings you may wish to also send out well-typeset invitations asking your friends to RSVP.

In this new, fancy 'web 2.0' world people have begun to use facebook and other social networking tools to speed up the invitation process. Now this is all well and good when it is used to supplement the traditional invite process, but using only services alone is incredibly stupid, in fact if you do that there is a chance that only one person will show up². Most people with real social lives do not spend all their time browsing the internet for new events to go to, instead they go out and actually have fun and you should show them some respect and give them a call if you actually want to see them. Also think of all your friends that are not on your social network of choice³, give them a call too and tell them how much you would dearly like to invite them to your splendid event.

Now go out and Party!

1. Perhaps even a super awesome party. [↩]
2. Source: Facebook in a Crowd [↩]
3. You know, before you started your internet addiction. [↩]

Do not slap people in the face, just do not do it whether you are male or female, young or old, there are very few times when it is appropriate to do so and you will probably never be in a situation where it is acceptable action. Slapping not only hurts, but it can also create real emotional scars for both the slap-ee and the slapper. Anyhoo appropriate times for slapping are the following:

1. You have written & signed consent from the other person, stating that they want to be slapped¹.
2. There is a large carnivorous insect on the other person's face.
3. You are a character on a daytime soap opera.
4. The other person needs to wake up or they will be late for their super important Calc II final.
5. You are a character in a Japanese flash game.
6. You are challenging the other person to a duel².
7. That is it, there are no more good reasons to slap someone.

Also as a final word of caution remember that in polite society any slap, punch, push, or fist bump may be construed as a challenge so be sure to keep your hands to yourself at fancy parties.

1. Violence is always best when it is consensual. [↩]
2. Proper duel challenging should always be done with a glove and not one's bare hands. [↩]