Always knock on the door before entering a room.
If there is no door, or if knocking on the door will cause it to open knock on the door frame.
Do not cross the threshold of the room without being invited in. Knocking alone does not give you permission to enter a room.
If the occupant of the room says the need a minute, give them five.
Always, Always knock on the door before entering a room.
Before we get to the business of killing vampires, I would like to say that despite their classification as monsters not all vampires should be killed. Many are relatively civilized and peaceful, and are an important resource for historical information.
There are plenty of rumors and hearsay about how one kills the immortal blood sucking monsters commonly referred to as vampires. Religious objects such as holy water, or crucifixes will only annoy a vampire, since as we all know that the one true god is a giant kitten1. Stakes through the heart hurt like a bitch, but as a vampire is undead it does not really need a heart anyhow. Silver bullets are for werewolves, and do nothing but annoy a vampire. Sunlight is commonly thought to be the greatest threat to the vampire, but although sunlight is dangerous to a vampire, it is more akin to a bad sunburn or allergic reaction.
To understand the murdering of a vampire, I suggest we look at the largest massacre of vampires in recorded history, the French Revolution. If you are already familiar with the revolution that you know that during the eighteenth century almost the entire French Aristocracy became vampires, mainly because it was fashionable.
As these blood-sucking nobles changed into undead creatures of the night, they had a few issues to take care of, most notably the smell and bloat caused by their rotting bodies and their new sensitivity to sunlight. Luckily just as fashion had gotten them into this mess, fashion got them out. The smell of rotting flesh was masked by expensive perfumes and soaps, which the nobles claimed were just to make them smell better than the commoners. Bloat was taken care of by draining excess fluid and gasses regularly, and by wearing stays when going out in public for long periods of time. Lead-based makeup, parasols and a nocturnal party schedule protected the vampires from the damaging rays of the sun, as well as from the rays of various superheroes.
But enough about the lifestyle of the French vampire, on to the killing. As you may or may not know, the vampire aristocracy was destroyed by an uprising of the common people2. The people of France were angry about a whole load of offenses, not the least of which was being farmed like cattle for their blood. To properly dispose of the vampires, the peasants used a simple machine called the guillotine to remove the head.
Yes, the only sure fire way to kill a vampire is to decapitate it3.
Luckily the French vampire problem was almost entirely enclosed within the ranks of their nobles, and with the help of the guillotine they dispatched their problem almost over night. Of, course once they had gotten a taste for cutting people's heads off, the French had a very hard time stopping themselves, which led to years and years of upheaval. Additionally, to this day, vampires have to deal with the stereotype originally created by the French: effeminate makeup wearing assholes that hate absolutely everyone.
Again I would like to reiterate that blindly killing vampires helps no one. Please take care to find out that your target vampire is actually a vampire and not some douchebag with tooth implants. Also if your target appears to be very old, turn him over to a historian so they we may learn more about our past before you chop his blood sucking head off.
Go find a mirror or fire up your webcam and look at yourself for five minutes. Seriously, I am not going anywhere.
Back? Now if you are like most people you probably found dozens of things wrong with your appearance and would consider yourself to be hideous12. Now consider having a bunch identically hideous people walking around. Why would you ever want to do that to the world?
Also have you considered that one clone might try to take your place? What if in some sort of crazy action scene your partner will not know whether to shoot you or the clone? What if your clone makes a sex tape and sends it to your entire family as a Christmas card? All these situations are not only possible, but have happened on clone themed movies of the week released back in 19963.
The only safe way to create a clone is to make them incredibly stupid, but the problem with that is that obviously they will only be good for manual labor and organ harvesting. I am pretty sure that creating them for manual labor would not be cost effective, and even a new kidney is probably cheaper than growing and raising a clone of your own.
So please do the world a favor and spend your cash on something more important like unlicensed monkey boxing.
Unless you are some sort of cyclops1 or a man who is too uptight and snooty for fun you should see every film you possibly can in 3D. This is not to say that 3D will make a horrible movie into a masterpiece, but the addition of the third dimension will make almost any move into a better one. In fact almost any enhanced showing of a film, wether it be in IMAX, 3D, Smell-O-Vision, or even the controversial Grope-a-Scope2.
Look, we all know that seeing a movie in the theater is better than watching at home, and really seeing the most ridiculous, enhanced version of a film is worth an extra couple of bucks; so go do it, you will be glad you did.