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Kittens, On killing

Contrary to popular belief masturbation does not kill kittens, nor does it influence the kitten killing habits of any divine beings. God loves kittens, otherwise why would they be so cute? In all probability God is actually a giant kitten, and created kittens in her likeness.

So if you came here looking for advice on killing kittens you have obviously come to the wrong place. Here we serve the great kitten, and resign ourselves to being entangled by her great strings of fate1. So repent your evil kitten killing ways and offer up a great sacrifice of catnip2 to the great heavenly kitten! NOW!

  1. Which incidentally are made of yarn. [↩]
  2. You could just go adopt a kitten and care for it, but catnip sacrifices are significantly more dramatic. [↩]

This entry was posted on Monday, October 15th, 2007 at 4:22 pm and is filed under , .